Monday, February 4, 2019

Boundaries: A Must Read for Preparing for Birth

This book is not written for birth. So why would I recommend it?
Birth is about you. It is about getting what you need for your family. Birth requires mamas to dig deep, to use their power to bring their baby earthside. What is needed for birth is a space in which mamas feel respected. That includes ensuring the people in that space respect you enough to allow you to birth in complete confidence.
You need to consider who you want to include in your birth space, who will be truly supportive of what you know you need during this most powerful yet vulnerable time. Reading Boundaries will help you gain the confidence and insight you need to determine if your care provider, medical staff, your doula, any family members, and even your partner fully support you.
As women, many times we feel we need to accommodate others. We feel the need to please others and not cause an uproar. Leaving a care provider who does not serve us, is uncomfortable. Telling your mom and sister that you do not want them to be there could cause a riff in your family dynamic. And standing up to your partner, to ensure you birth where you know you need to, can cause a lot of stress on a relationship. But birth is not the time to blur your boundaries, it is the time for you to establish strong boundaries and to ensure people support you in setting them.
During prenatal meetings, I help couples determine the birth that is right for them. This is the perfect time to decide who will help and hinder the birth that mamas know they need. It also opens up the conversation between partners, in case they unknowingly do not see eye to eye.
Once you have decided the type of birth you want, you will need the confidence to discuss this with your care provider and birth place. You will need to be confident enough to ensure that they not only understand what you want but that they will help you achieve it.
This also goes for your family. Birth is not a social affair. If you feel a certain friend or family member will support you, that is great! But if you feel that certain people will not support you, then you will need to be able to voice your needs to them.  If they still do not support what you need, then you need to be strong enough to let them know that you cannot have them in attendance, even if they feel entitled enough to be there during one of your most private moments.
You will also need to ensure that the doula you have hired, if you have one, honors your wishes. A truly supportive doula knows that only you can make the decisions that are best for your family and they will not have an agenda that they plan on pushing onto you. If you have yet to hire one, ensure that you ask how they support families during the type of birth that you envision and how they support you if things would happen to change.
This book helps you understand what your boundaries are and why you are the way you are when it comes to your current boundaries. It then helps you use this information to understand how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships that bleed into your birth as well as other aspects of your life.
I will say this book is rooted in Christianity but I would not let that steer you away if you are not Christian, the principles still resonate true. Setting boundaries helps you live a life that is healthy for you and your family.
Pregnancy and birth are important in preparing you for parenthood. It helps you decide what is important to you and your partner and how you will raise your family. It is important to understand that you do not need to please others in raising your family and Boundaries helps you understand how to approach this with others in your life.

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