Tuesday, July 12, 2016

As a Doula, I Do Not Want You to Need Me

Most would think the last thing a doula would state is that she does not want her clients to need her. You would think this sort of statment would mean that the doula is committing professional suicide. But it is not what you think.

The truth is a baby knows how to be born. A mother knows what to do to bring her baby earthside. Those are the only tools necessary to bring a baby into this world: the baby and the mother. Anyone else is just a witness or support to the process. It takes a very confident birth worker to state, "You do not need me to birth your baby."

What I would like to hear instead, "I am so glad you were here.", "Your support meant the world to me.", or "I am so glad you shared in this event with my family." Because the truth is, it is an honor to be invited to the birth of a baby. It is a life changing event that most families experience but a few times. It is an event that changes a family forever. And for a family to entrust me to experience this with them, is a true gift.

I have now come to understand that my services compliment an already perfect process. My services come in handy in supporting a mother who knows what she is doing but cannot do it all. My services help a spouse become an irreplaceable asset in their child's birth. My services ensure that this new family is well cared for so they can take of the hard work.

As a doula, I want you to want me at your birth. I do not want you to need me. Because I now realize that you are already prepared for the birth, I just want to provide the support and resources for you to realize this for yourself.

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